My favorite form of punctuation is the ellipse. Because so...much can happen betwixt those three little dots...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Sentence of the Day 7/30
"almost did, then didn't."
Labels: sentence
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Sentence of the Day 7/29
"'Swimming.'"
Labels: sentence
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Sentences of the Weekend
7/25
"Break your uterus."
7/26
"They're making them bouncier now."
7/27
"People in the audience were crying."
7/28
"Are you staying for dinner?"
Labels: sentence
Friday, July 25, 2008
Sentence of the Day 7/24
"The squeaky wheel gets the grease."
I hate this expression. All of my squeaky wheels are just squeaky. You know?
Labels: sentence
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Sentence of the Day 7/23
"Take a bottle for yourself."
Labels: sentence
Sentence of the Day 7/22
"Have you met the new girl?"
Labels: sentence
Monday, July 21, 2008
Sentences of Bye Gone Days
7/17
"What time are you in tonight Tina Fey?"
7/18
"They got you a cake... just so you can mentally prepare..."
7/19
"All the girls pass the weed to your mother fucking man."
7/20
"Ooo! I think I just found a cavity."
7/21
"The firm provides everyone with free Tylenol."
Labels: sentence
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
So, there I am at the gynecologist yesterday and...
She starts in yackety yacking about what's new with me and how's your summer going and before I know it, she's checking out my boobies for bumpies and she says they're "so nice and soft!" (Why, thank you.) and then scootch up here a little bit, my dear and yes, so my son is 14 and he's really enjoying little league this summer and you said you were going to New York? What's that play about? And I start talking about that yackety yackety and my cervix is clearly getting scraped as we're chatting and I'm all, "Why yes. We're going down next weekend and it's a play about HURRICANE KATRINA! AND I PLAY A COLLEGE STUDENT! And yes, it's a new play, one of my FRIEND'S WROTE IT! I think COMEDIES PLAY BETTER AT THIS FESTIVAL though and. Umm... How MUCH LONGER are you going to BE DOWN THERE?! Oof. Weird. Then she does that terribly disconcerting thing where she just reaches up in you like you were a broiled chicken and bops about your ovaries I guess just to make sure everything is in there swimming where it's supposed to be. I just can't make eye contact with her when she's doing this, chatting away like it's the most natural thing in the world. Someone stuck a nice wind chime on the ceiling and a photo of a lake somewhere, so I was thankful for that.
Then? Then! You're not going to believe this.
She fucking hugged me! After it was all over and she's telling me, "I just can't find a single thing wrong with you, my dear." She fucking HUGS me goodbye. Wow.
I mean, I guess we've been through a lot together, but still. A hug? Is that very professional? I guess she did just have her arm all up in me, so... Maybe that does allow her to cross that personal space boundary. I mean, I SUPPOSE.
And it was nice. You kind of need a hug after going through all that.
But still. I just don't know. I just don't know...
Sentence of the Day 7/16
"She always smelled like fried chicken."
Labels: sentence
Sentence of the Day 7/15
"I could have told you that."
Labels: sentence
Sentence of the Day 7/14
"It's the first time I've ever heard of the word 'jubilee', he said."
Labels: sentence
Friday, July 11, 2008
Sentences of the Weekend
7/11
"Kids? Kids! AAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
7/12
"Better delivery of 'fuck' in that scene."
7/13
"Who programs a robot to giggle?"
Labels: sentence
I berry much enjoy berry season
Mmmm....berries. I can eat a whole bowl of berries. In fact, I did. For breakfast. Raspberries and strawberries and I had a handful of blueberries as well. I had berries for dinner last night and berries for lunch yesterday. I'm going to turn into a berry. I now have the berry shits, but I don't care. They're worth it. Even berry poops aren't berry bad.
They just make me smack and smile. Thank you, berries. Thank you berry much.
Sentence of the Day 7/10
"don't worry. she'll be better in a couple of days. give her an aspirin, everything is fine."
Labels: sentence
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Sentence of the Day 7/9
"Jesus! What happened to your leg?!"
Labels: sentence
Sentence of the Day 7/8
"If you scream before you do stuff, it seems less scary."
Labels: sentence
Monday, July 07, 2008
This is the stupid poem I wrote in the airport that I kept forgetting to read for my sisters once we were drunk enough for them to hear it:
My sisters are to me like...
Moss somehow
A soft place to set a foot on jagged rock
They're the friendly clink of change in a stranger's pocket
The nose tingle that happens when you make eye contact with a baby
My sisters are
elasticity in the most unassuming of places
barbed wire and piles of leaves
They're that unexpected poot when bouncing down
stairs
My sisters are gorgeous and
sexy and smart
Scientists in a J Crew
catalogue
A monocle on a peanut
Shadow puppets on a blank bedroom wall
Sentences of Independance
7/2
"The raindrops outside are so fat, Bobby!"
7/3
"I don't know but its been said (I don't know, but its been said) Grashopper's green, but their butt hole's red (Grasshopper's green, but their butt hole's red)"
7/4
"They're jumpin, but they sure ain't bitin'."
7/5
"I don't think Bush is going to win this next election; his approval rating is way down."
7/6
"Delayed"
7/7
"Too bad for those greedy, abnoxious jews who didn't appreciate your talent and beauty."
Labels: sentence
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
3 Bean Salad
A) I was on the subway the other day and this man was in front of me who looked and smelled as though he had just come fresh from the gym. Delicious. He had some sort of weight lifter's vest on. I've seen those belts before, but never a vest. It was stinky and grey. I had the pleasure of being mushed fairly close to him. As the train sped through the tunnel, I noticed our reflections, like you do, in the windows. He was looking at himself. He was flexing his muscles, various muscles, checking himself out. Then he got off the train at one stop and this other, professorial type got on. The professor had on kakis and a sensible yellow polo shirt. He hadn't come from the gym, didn't seem particularly buff. He was holding onto one of those taller bars and looking at his reflection in the windows. Then he began to flex. His muscles. Over and over for the ride, checking himself out. A couple of parakeets. I'm thinking this behavior is fairly typical of men on the subway. It's so ridiculous like a Sunday paper comic strip. But it makes me happy that it happens...and that I caught them doing it.
7) I woke up in the middle of the night the other night because my dog fell off the bed. I couldn't go to sleep for a while after that because I was so amused.
iii) I’m flying to Tennessee for Sister’s Weekend tonight. Only Sister’s Weekend has been hijacked by everyone this year. It is now Sisters, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Moms, Dads, Boyfriends, Brother-in-Laws, Kittens, Neighbors Weekend. Sigh. E and Dr. J and I have made a pact that next year we are going to go somewhere ELSE for Sister’s Weekend. Maybe Vancouver? I’ve always wanted to go to Iceland. Oh well, I hope we at least get a chance to sit on E’s porch and have a couple beers in private so that I can tell them about all the spontaneous tail I’ve been getting lately….
Ha ha. I’m kidding.
Or AM I…..?
Sentence of the Day 7/1
"It sounds like the set up to a joke, doesn't it: I went camping with 20 lesbians in the woods last weekend."
Labels: sentence
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Sentence of the Day 6/30
"Someday...soap opera cowboy. Someday...."
Labels: sentence